LOU #10 (kite) and a little about penance, redemption, and freedom

LOU #10 (kite) 11 x 14 inches - oil on canvas

This is a new painting in my Lou Evans pseudonym series.  (You can bid on it here.)

It is actually my current favorite painting right now, partly because I think the colors are luscious, partly because I like the twirly motion, and partly because while the title is “kite”, it looks like a completely relaxed person flying around uncontrollably in in a warm little bed.

This is the feeling I have when I let go of a burden I’ve carried around for a long time – a sudden incomprehensible lightness.

A friend compared this to the way it feels when you train with ankle weights, and then take them off to run a race.

I think it is often harder for us to forgive ourselves than it is for others to forgive others.  We routinely require ourselves to do penance, carrying around burdens even after others would free us.  Sometimes that feels like an unhealthy pattern, but I think in reality it can be the strengthening part of a healing process.

In some ways I think I’ve done this in the studio.  I’ve painted my way through some serious trauma.  I reached harder and harder, dug deeper and deeper inside myself.  It led to good paintings, better than I knew I could do.  That was the point, to learn to do better, to control what I can.

Endless 48 x 60 Genie Maples (SOLD)

I am proud of these labor-intensive paintings.  They make me feel accomplished, and give me a kind of validation I needed.  They sell for much more than I could possibly afford to spend for a painting myself – necessary because I could paint relatively few of them.  But there may be another way.

I don’t know yet whether I will continue making that kind of paintings – maybe.  But even if I do, I don’t think I will struggle over the work in the same way I have for this last five years.  I’ve realized that the angst isn’t necessary.

It feels good to paint the new paintings I’m signing “Lou Evans”.  I am painting the way I used to when I first started down this road, but with a new grace and developed eloquence that I think only comes from having done very heavy lifting so it’s possible to feel really light, and really free.

The wonderful thing is that these paintings come so much easier, and cost me so much less in energy and struggle, I can experiment with offering them for much less, even testing out whether I can make selling at auction feasible again.  That was always my favorite way to sell – with buyers setting the price, with the possibility for anyone to have a chance to buy, whether they have tons of money to spend or not.

For now, the Lou Evans paintings are all small.  I am feeling an urge to experiment with some of these compositions in a large format, though.  All in good time.  Finally, there is no rush to carry everything at once.

One more time, here is the link to bid.

For some time now, I’ve had a scene from the movie The Mission running in the background of my mind.  This scene with Robert de Niro is incredibly powerful and has stayed with me for many years.  It seems to apply here to what this transition has felt like to me.  I found it on youtube, but embedding is disabled.  You can watch it here.  The scene has even more impact in context, and it’s a phenomenally moving film.